He sits on a wooden bench outside of a café where everyone inside is busily typing away on his or her laptops. Too good for polite conversation. Completely absorbed in their own egotistical doings. But what are they really doing? They are checking the stats for their fantasy baseball team. Watching today’s games and typing out each players at bats, hits, runs and faults. They are checking Perez’s gossip rag site. Looking at the pictures and scrolling through today’s daily celebrity lives. They are posting on Craigslist. Selling their used Nietzsche and Vonnegut. They don’t need them anymore because the girl they were fucking around with left for some banker type. And she liked to see that shit around the apartment.
And yet he still sits outside, smoking his imported cigarettes and chatting with the other dirty hipsters. They sit far enough away from each other to maintain their island-status but they want to converse. He wants to make himself known as the cool dude. Two other hipsters saunter by. Wearing Ray Ban glasses with clear lenses and Elmer Fudd hats even though it’s 60 degrees outside. Again, it’s a look. They stand around, shooting the shit and talking about what art galleries they’re going to hit up or underground concerts they want to attend. It never crosses their mind that they look ridiculous. It never occurs to them that people are sitting inside the café laughing secretly at their ridiculousness.
Inside the laptops are struggling to get onto the wireless. People maneuver their computers so that they reach the outlets. One girl carries her own power strip just for the occasion. Dorky, as it may be. The other girl whose computer cannot reach is grateful. As absurd as it may be.
The half-Asians take off with their coffees in hand and their skateboards in the other. They’re all going to loiter somewhere else.
Now watch the Hipster Olympics. Belly-wrenchingly good. Next time you take a picture? Say: "Myyyyyyyyyyyspace!" And cheesily look into the camera. But don't act like you care. Never care. It IS the hipster way. They deem it so.
